Flaws and Intentions

“We are not perfect, nor are those around us,” writes senior coach Marvin Weinbaum. He offers his perspective with ways we can work with our imperfections, to make the most of our flaws and intentions.

“I like flaws and feel more comfortable around people who have them. I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.” – Augustine Burroughs

Nobody’s perfect.

When we’re young, we are driven by many impulses: a desire for control, perfection, acknowledgement, success. Our flaws feel like liabilities. If they are recognized at all, they are denied and hidden. Over time, the flaws begin to reveal themselves. The passage of time opens our eyes, and the experiences, especially the failures, provide the opportunity for growth. They create resilience and we have the chance to adjust our expectations and resolve our contradictions. We see that we cannot always hit home runs. It becomes clear that not everything is in our control, and while outcomes matter, our intentions matter more.

We are not perfect, nor are those around us. But, we have the opportunity for a greater understanding of ourselves and others. And if there is less physical energy, there is also less energy for pretense and more appreciation of honesty. Wrinkles, slower movement, and the occasional lapse in memory are not just signs of decline; they are markers of a life lived.

So, if we can’t live perfectly, can we at least live well?

Five ways to fine tune your flaws and intentions

Live with acceptance.

A good life for a senior begins with acceptance. Aging brings undeniable changes – physical limitations, loss, and evolving roles within family and the community. Living well does not mean resisting these realities, but rather adapting to them with grace. Acceptance allows a person to focus less on what has been lost and more on what remains: we can adjust our priorities and shape each day with intention. Certainly, on occasion, we will lapse into regret. If we can remember that the past is only a memory while the present is a miracle to be lived, we can weather that storm.

Live with gratitude.

In a perfect world we would all live in palaces. But, like us, the world is far from perfect. We live among the homeless. Over 50% of the world’s population lives without indoor plumbing. One UN survey claims about two billion people, almost one quarter of humanity, live in danger zones, areas within five kilometers of violent conflict. That said, most of us live in safety, have heat and hot water, a roof over our heads, a comfortable bed, kitchens and bathrooms, a car, considerate neighbors. When is the last time you felt gratitude for those simple pleasures?

Eat well.

In a perfect world we would have a zero tolerance policy for smoking. We would consume fewer saturated fats, eliminate red meat, reduce our sugar intake, and avoid processed foods. In a perfect world. Our imperfect selves would do well to find compromise solutions: perhaps one lunch each month of a favorite prime rib entrée (my special indulgence), a drink when dining out, the occasional sweet treat. This approach reduces the feeling of total deprivation. The goal: find your individual sweet spot between abstinence (which is hard to maintain), moderation, and indulgence.

Stay connected.

Kenny Rogers sings “You can’t make old friends.” Sadly, this is true. When we are young, we make friends organically, in school, in the park, on the block where we live. As we age, making friends, establishing connections, takes some work. It takes intention. Join groups, take classes, pursue hobbies, go to the gym and to the library. Smile generously. There’s a world full of people looking for connection. Just like you.

Fight off frailty.

Go to the gym. Religiously. Do strength-building exercises. Stretch. Do yoga. Fight lethargy. Walk everywhere.

“Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many,” said Mark Twain.

Ultimately, to age well means accepting that we are not perfect, but, building upon our experiences, we can get things mostly right.

Marvin Weinbaum coaches seniors. Find him at www.coachweinbaum.com or email marvin@coachweinbaum.com.