Dr. Foulmouthed
My new doctor is profanity prone – should I move on?
When your new doctor could be named Dr. Foulmouthed for being profanity prone, is it time to find a new new doctor? John Ficarra finds out in “From Our Readers.”
“I make a mean f**king Cosmo.”
The person saying this to me wasn’t my local bartender trying to entice me into sampling the cocktail made famous by Sarah Jessica Parker in “Sex in the City.”
No, the dropper of this particular F-bomb was my new primary care physician.
He used the “effen word” several times during the course of my office visit while regaling me about his career, people he’s met and his many trips to Europe.
I found the entire encounter odd, if not startling, especially since I had no history with him. But he was personable and came highly recommended. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and stick with him.
Now, I have no problem with swear words. I watched every profanity-laced episode of the “Sopranos” and never blanched. Ditto “Deadwood,” where actor Ian McShane elevated cleverly-crafted crudeness to poetry.
And one of my favorite TV moments of all time was on the HBO show “The Wire.” Two grizzled Baltimore detectives inspect a crime scene. For 3 minutes and 46 seconds they say nothing but the F-bomb (and variations thereof) 19 times with wonderful nuanced inflections. To borrow a phrase, it’s f**king brilliant.
Recently, writer Matt Ritchel noted in the New York Times that “Cursing is coursing through society. Words once too blue to publicly utter have become increasingly commonplace.”
“Coursing” indeed. Profanity can now routinely be heard while walking down the street, on CNN’s “Have I Got News for You” and even in the interviews of elected officials from both sides of the aisle. But I’m not talking about watching a TV comedy show or listening to a politician trying to create a viral moment by posing as a populist. I’m talking about the guy in whose hands I am entrusting my healthcare, my life. Is it too much to expect a little class, a little professionalism?
I suspect most patients would be less than pleased if they heard profanity coming out of the mouth of their medical care provider:
“Well, your test results are in and, man, are you f**ked!”
Which brings me back to my most recent office visit. Outside of multiple swear words, Dr. Foulmouthed was fine. He was knowledgeable, took his time and answered all my questions. I left his office satisfied that I was in competent medical hands.
Still, I couldn’t shake this uneasy, WTF feeling about him.
Am I being a hypocrite? Am I just getting old? Am I an old hypocrite?
F*ck!
I decided to crowdsource the question.
Older female respondents were horrified and said they would drop the doctor immediately. A male friend and long-time physician shook his head, replying that there are plenty of well-qualified doctors out there and I shouldn’t have to put up with the foul language.
Younger respondents of both sexes were universally nonplussed, noting that as long as he was a good doctor, they would continue to use him, so some of this may be generational.
But maybe the best answer came from a retired nurse. She said if I had posed this question to her 10 years ago, she would have immediately told me to find a new doctor. But when she heard that I actually saw him and not a P.A. and, most importantly, that he had promptly returned a phone call I had made to him, she urged me to keep seeing him.
Such is the state of healthcare in America 2026.
So, for now, I remain a conflicted patient of Dr. Foulmouthed, though I would not fault others if they stood up halfway through an office visit and told him to “Take a f**king hike!”
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