30 Tips for Richmond Winters

January 8th, 2018

With apologies to Paul Simon

The problem is all inside your head, she said to me,

The answer is easy if you take it logically.

I’d like to help you in your struggle to survive

There must be 30 tips for Richmond winters.


She said it’s really not my habit to intrude

Furthermore, I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued

But I’ll repeat myself, in hopes my message here is clear,

There must be 30 tips for Richmond winters, 30 tips for Richmond winters.


Just fly farther South, Ralph, buy a new van, Stan,

Don’t need to be sad, Chad, just listen to me.

Hop on the bus, Gus, you don’t need to discuss much

Just go to the Keys, Leigh, and get yourself free.


She said it grieves me so to see you in a stew,

But all year ’round there’s really so much here in Richmond you can do,

I said, I appreciate that, and would you please explain about the 30 ways.


She said, why don’t we ask our friends in RVA.

And I believe, with their wisdom they will help you see the light.

And then she kissed me, and I realized she probably was right,

There must be 30 tips for Richmond winters, 30 tips for Richmond winters.


Be ready for snow, Moe, pick up the bread, Fred,

No need to be mean, Jean, just follow these tips.

Get out for fresh air, Claire, take Tacky Lights drives, Clive,

Hang out with a bud, Judd, at breweries and bars.


Just go to a play, Faye, enjoy a new band, Jan,

No need for a chill, Phil, just keep yourself warm.

Sip wine with a friend, Jen, by a nice, toasty fire.

Just follow these tips, Tripp, to take you to spring.

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