Retiree’s Backyard Oasis Spoiled by Noisy Kids
New retirement, new neighbors, new frustrations
A retiree can no longer enjoy the quiet of his backyard because of the new neighbors – his quiet is now spoiled by noisy kids. Advice columnist Eric Thomas and two readers reply to “trouble in the suburbs.”
Dear Eric:
After working 50 years, I recently retired. At the same time, the house next door to us was sold to a family with six children, ranging in age from newborn to 10 years old.
We do not have large lots. What was once my backyard oasis (I garden, read, and swim) is now a nightmare. Children literally screaming. I don’t know what to do.
The father actually told me to enjoy my quiet summer because it’s over. We have worked our entire lives for what we have accomplished, and I feel like it’s been ruined in the blink of an eye. Other than moving, what can we do?
– Trouble in the Suburbs
Dear Suburbs: This is a tough pill to swallow because it’s made up of one part acceptance and one part conversation. Most of the time, we don’t have much control over who lives near us. This can turn out great; this can turn out badly; and everything in between.
But frustrating though it may be to have noise coming from next door, it may be helpful to acknowledge that an oasis was never really something that was fully within your power. There was always going to be somebody next door, building toward their own paradise. While your ideal neighbor might have been someone who also enjoyed gardening and other quiet activities, that wasn’t a guarantee.
Acceptance moves you out of frustration and into a place of proactivity. What can you do to bring more peace into the space you’re in now? Fences, hedges, noise machines, and relaxing music can all help.
Conversation will help, as well. Are the neighbors open to a schedule of some sort? If you like to swim and enjoy quiet in the morning, can they agree to a more peaceful backyard until a certain time? Again, there’s no guarantee that they’ll be amenable to it, but it’s worth asking because you do share a space and they don’t automatically get to dictate everything that happens there.
Reader reply regarding noisy kids
Dear Eric:
Your advice to “Trouble in the Suburbs,” whose retirement lifestyle has been significantly diminished by the screaming children who moved in next door, was great, but you didn’t mention noise-canceling headphones.
A high quality, over-the-ears set would help a lot. If the letter writer doesn’t want to listen to music, he or she can simply listen to nature sounds. And in the swimming pool he or she can wear earplugs.
– Mile-High Misophonia
Dear Mile High:
Yes! A great suggestion.
More advice to “Trouble in the Suburbs”
Dear Eric:
I think you left something out of your answer to the person who doesn’t like the noise coming from the children (“Trouble in the Suburbs”):
Make friends with the children, if they will make friends with you. That has always worked for me.
For 13 years, I’ve been forced to live in low-income, city-administrated senior housing. No one below age 55, let alone children can live here. I would give anything to be living next door to that family.
I dream of getting an apartment in an all-ages building or buying a condo or house in a family-style neighborhood. I’m probably never going to live my dream of living in an all-ages community. But your letter writer can.
– Appreciate the Gift
Dear Gift:
Your perspective is shared by many. Quite a few people replied to this letter by encouraging the letter writer to see the sound of children playing as a gift and enjoy the joyful noise. Now, I will allow that some forms of play are going to sound more joyful than others, and everyone’s mileage is going to vary when it comes to seeing this kind of bright side. But it’s absolutely worth trying.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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