Combining Holiday Greetings and Divorce News
Is it OK to share divorce news in a Christmas card?
A woman whose divorce is imminent wonders about combining holiday greetings and divorce news. Readers join advice columnist Eric Thomas in sharing helpful – and funny – suggestions.
Dear Eric:
My dilemma is about Christmas cards. I am separated from my husband of 25 years, and while it’s mostly amicable, I feel disingenuous including him on the card this year. Our divorce will be final less than a month after Christmas. I am also going back to my maiden name, so I thought it might be a good way to announce that as well. We share four children (and a cat) who I’d like to include. Any ideas on wording that is classy or funny to express this new family identity that doesn’t skew weird or inappropriate?
– I’d Still Like to Wish You a Merry Christmas
Dear Merry Christmas:
Hmm, this was an interesting challenge. Perhaps something like “There’s a new name, and a new family arrangement, but the warm wishes are the same.”
Or you could lean into a seasonal motif: “This holiday, we’re moving into a new season of life, so you’ll see a different name on the return address but know that my love for you lasts year-round.”
Or funny: “Is it regifting when Santa brings you your maiden name for Christmas?” Perhaps follow that last one up with a sincere sentence or two to reassure folks that everyone is happy and healthy.
There’s also a simple solution of taking a photo of yourself with your kids and cat, signing it with your maiden name, and letting people infer or speak to you directly if they want more information. There are some who advise against announcing divorces in holiday greetings because divorce can be sad. However, it’s your card and your life and you don’t have to hide it. Holiday cards and letters often encompass the full breadth of what goes on in a year – love, loss, and all the rest. So, if you want to share it, do.
Readers, I invite you to improve upon my work. If you’ve written or received other holiday greetings from folks announcing a divorce, please send it in. I’ll publish some of them in a column next month so that you can put them to use in future years.
Ideas on melding holiday greetings and divorce news
Dear Readers:
I answered a letter from someone who was trying to find a way to acknowledge her impending divorce in her Christmas cards, which would contain a photo of the letter writer and her kids, sans soon-to-be amicable ex. I made a few suggestions and invited you to lend your wisdom. Here are a few great suggestions and one that made me laugh.
Take aim with bullets
Dear Eric:
Try a short but sweet bulleted list:
What has changed:
- My last name is now Smith
- I finally got to France
- Buffy graduated from cooking school
What hasn’t changed:
- Still taking tap dance lessons
- Our cat Dave is still with us at 17
- We hope our paths will cross in the coming year
– Simple Greetings
Dear Simple:
Succinct and rather poetic.
A new year / new name
Dear Eric:
We can never get the whole clan before Christmas, because college kids often don’t get Thanksgiving off. We often send a Happy New Year card.
Why not send a happy new year / new name card mentioning how amicable the situation is.
– New Year, New Me
Dear New Year:
This is great and a lovely option for people who don’t want to mix religious holiday greetings with divorce news or other announcements that might have a more mixed response.
Perspectives
Dear Eric:
The first year, I included my soon-to-be ex in the card because I wanted to communicate that although dad and I were no longer a couple, we would still always be a family. It’s how he and I both felt and now, five years later, I’m glad we continue to hold that perspective.
I wrote, “What a doozy of a year. It started with a ‘radical change in our family structure’, ([ex’s name] and I split, but amicably), followed swiftly by the pandemic and its attendant economic meltdown descending on the entire world, which had the minor side benefit of putting our family drama in perspective.”
While the tone may sound informal to some, it was authentic for me.
– Transition Year
Dear Transition:
Authenticity is really important here. Life can be difficult and confusing to navigate; we shouldn’t put on masks of formality or “being OK,” especially for our loved ones.
Doggy duty
Dear Eric: When our divorce was finalized (very amicably) a couple of days before Christmas last year, we decided to use our annual New Year’s card to also announce our change of address. We included a photo of our dog and said that in the new year, he’d be hopping between his dog beds at two houses. We felt it was a good way to share our news without it being a downer. Who can resist a message coming from a very cute dog, right?
– Dog Days
Dear Dog Days:
Animal cuteness always wins.
Using humor
Dear Eric:
Most of my friends knew of my separation and eventual divorce. My card that year was me in leather pants, sweater and boots all dolled up on the back of a motorcycle with three hot guys with a big smile and a thumbs up. The card said, “Life is good!” I got a lot of calls wanting to know who the guys were. My answer, “I don’t kiss and tell!”
My daughter thought I was crazy but was OK with it!
– Life Is Good
Dear Life:
Wow, I laughed out loud at this. Love that you embraced your personality (and went through the trouble of staging a photoshoot)!
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
©2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
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