The Friendship Was Over
From ‘I’ll be with you’ to ‘I can’t get up that early’
Her long-time friend, who promised to stand by her as she battled a brain tumor, couldn’t get up early to take her to the hospital. The friendship was over – but other friends say she should forgive. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
A year ago, I had to have a procedure for a brain tumor. A very scary emotional roller coaster event. My best friend of 42 years, said, “Don’t worry; I will be with you every step of the way.”
When the date and time were finally provided, I told her we have to be at the hospital at 6:30 a.m. Her response was “I can’t go then; I don’t get up until 9. I would have to call my daughter and see if I would hear the phone when she called me. I don’t have an alarm clock.”
I was so taken aback, my friend who was going to be with me every step of the way was not going to make any effort to get up and go to the hospital with me. The day before the procedure, she called to say good luck and never called afterward to see how I was.
Days later, she came over and I told her how I felt about everything. The friendship was over and after the hurt, I got angry and thought about the 42 years. I was the one who drove every time we went anywhere, I picked up the tab for meals, I was there to help her. She is very self-centered and always acts helpless.
I do not feel any loss in this friendship. It cost me a lot of money to have her name removed from all my legal documents.
My friends are split on this situation. Most say what she did is unforgivable. Others say I should forgive her and rebuild the friendship. Am I wrong to feel nothing about her and a 42-year friendship? I honestly can say I don’t miss her.
– Former Friend
Dear Friend:
Every relationship, including friendships, has its seasons. True, sometimes – when we’re lucky – the weather in those seasons is balmy for a lifetime. At other times, we find that the season in which the relationship worked has come to an end and it’s healthy to step away. It sounds like you’re in the latter category right now.
You’re not obligated to feel any particular way. What’s most important is that you are listening to your feelings, honoring them, and interrogating them.
I would offer that a slight like the one you mentioned isn’t unforgivable if you choose to forgive it. But, again, you’re not obligated to forgive it if you don’t want to. It also appears that your friend hasn’t asked for forgiveness.
The issues with your friendship aren’t limited to her not taking you to the hospital. It sounds like this is the straw that broke the camel’s back.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
©2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
Find more words of wisdom like when someone decided the friendship was over – from insensitive parents to a husband’s mid-life crisis, DNA surprises, and more:
Boomer Advice for Life department
For advice targeted to senior adults and their families – such as caregiving, grandparenting, retirement communities, and more:
