‘Thank You for Your Service’
Don’t thank me. Welcome me home instead.
Vietnam veteran Fred Abatemarco graciously accepts the phrase, “Thank you for your service,” but it gives him pause. He shares his thoughts, as a soldier who made it home after his military tour and service.
I have a favorite shirt custom embroidered in Vietnam. It is colorfully stitched with the name of my Americal Division unit and a map showing the town of Chu Lai where I was stationed in 1970 and is adorned with a yellow dragon, the Vietnamese symbol for strength and progress. Whenever I wear it outside, it inevitably provokes the old saw: “Thank you for your service.”
“You’re welcome,” I robotically respond before adding, “and thank you for your support.” This dialogue plays out for me and thousands of other military veterans – in person, by email, text, and through social media – every November on Veterans Day, on Vietnam Veterans’ Day in March, and today, Memorial Day.
Frankly, I don’t know exactly what to make of the phrase. A military tour in Vietnam – or pick your favorite war, we’ve got plenty to choose from – means something different to every veteran. I was drafted, served for two years, then was fortunate enough to resume my civilian life. But not everyone had such a soft landing. Some vets are haunted by debilitating depression and anxiety, tormented by post-traumatic stress disorder. Many Vietnam vets suffer chronic consequences from exposure to Agent Orange, the toxic defoliant that the U.S. sprayed across the Vietnamese countryside. Too many of the 350,000 Vietnam veterans awarded Purple Hearts remain forever broken in spirit as well as body. What does “thank you for your service” mean to them? And, of course, how do you thank the dead?
I honor the fallen daily with every breath. There but for the grace of God go I. It’s not something I need a holiday weekend to remind me of. Frankly, I couldn’t forget even if I wanted to.
War leaves some veterans with injuries you can see and others with convictions impossible to ignore. But the job of defending American values – for all – continues every day, right here, within our borders, in our hometowns, among our neighbors, friends and families. Bowing our heads on Veterans Day or Memorial Day doesn’t matter nearly as much as how we live the other days of the year.
By all means, let’s all pay homage today to our military veterans – living and dead. To truly honor the fallen – and acknowledge the sorrow, tragedy, and pain their family and friends live with every day – we should devote as much energy to justice, dignity, and opportunity at home as we do to preparing for the next war abroad.
So thank me for my service today, if you like. I will accept this old chestnut with as much grace as I can muster on behalf of all my brother and sister vets, those who made it home and those who did not – and for those who still bear the scars of past wars, and for those who fight today and will hopefully be fortunate enough to survive to see tomorrow.
When I say back to you “Thanks for your support,” know that, silently, I’m hoping we each do everything possible to figure out ways to stop doing this warfare thing. That would be ideal service.
What, then, should you say to a veteran?
Try “Welcome home.” Then let me know if that doesn’t make their day. I know it would make mine.
Fred Abatemarco is a retired journalist who is working on a personal memoir of his time in Vietnam, where he served as an Army combat correspondent. His work has appeared in national and international publications such as Newsweek, The New York Times, Newsday, and Popular Science Magazine among others.
FEATURE PHOTO, TOP: The Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, DC
