She Can’t Stop Gossiping
But her spouse wants her to
She can’t stop gossiping and she doesn’t want to – but her spouse dislikes it. Should she change? Can she? Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
I can’t stop gossiping. I love it. I love talking trash. I feel no remorse about it at all. But my spouse hates it when I do it and it’s become an issue with us. I gossip with friends. I gossip on the phone. I gossip when I’m out. I don’t need to gossip with my spouse. But he says it paints me in a negative light. He won’t let it go and I think it’s making things tough between us. And so, I’m trying to change. But I don’t want to.
Do you have strategies for changing my ways when I don’t really want to change my ways? I think if I just gossiped less, my spouse wouldn’t find it so objectionable. But I don’t even want to do that. Can you help?
– Nothing Nice to Say
Dear Say:
If you don’t want to change in this way, you’re not going to change. You may adopt a habit for a time, but it’ll either make you unhappy, and you’ll drop it or you’ll never fully commit to it, and it’ll recede into the ether. There’s a third option, I suppose – that you find the new habit actually works for you and the change happens almost despite your best efforts. But does that seem likely or efficient?
Don’t change for your spouse. Change, if you want, for yourself. What is gossip to you? Why are you gossiping? Are there other ways of communicating that bring you the same feeling of connection and energy?
It’s important to remember that what you put out frames the way you see the world. If you’re speaking negatively, if you’re always seeing the worst in people, then that’s the world you’ll live in. And that might be fine for you. It gives you plenty about which to gossip. But it’s worth asking yourself if the world you know can be bigger, kinder, fuller, or more loving. Gossip happens; it isn’t the gravest flaw one can have. But if you gossip so much that it’s impeding your marriage, you might want to ask yourself what you’re getting out of it.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
©2026 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
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