Friend of a Friend Is Not a Friend
Yet she’s expected to invite the disliked not-friend anyway
A woman dislikes the friend of a friend and doesn’t want to invite her to gatherings. She wonders how to tell her friend – and if she’s a bad person for feeling this way. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
Do I have to be friends with my friend’s other friends?
I have a good friend, D. Our sons are good friends, too, so we see each other often. D and her three girlfriends have known each other for a really long time.
I didn’t really get close to them – I am fairly introverted. I never really liked one of D’s friends, E. She is a drama queen, and her values don’t align with mine. Additionally, I never really felt comfortable around her. Also, I feel like she evades paying restaurant bills and a couple of times I paid hefty bills and E never reciprocated, while others reimbursed their share or reciprocated other times.
I am not financially secure to continue going out as much.
Recently, I moved to a different apartment that is closer to D’s house. D and I got together a couple of times for coffee at my place and E called and requested that I invite her, too.
I don’t like her. When I was in a difficult situation and asked E if I could pay her adult son to help me out with moving stuff, E brushed me off and never offered me any help overall while other friends did. She never reaches out unless social gatherings are planned.
Recently D told me that E has health issues and E’s husband is financially abusing her. I am sympathetic to E’s struggles, but I still don’t enjoy her company and I still don’t want to invite her. Am I a bad person? How do I explain to D that I want to hang out with D but not with E.
– Friend of a Friend
Dear Friend:
Friendship doesn’t always translate so there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that you don’t really get along with someone, even if people you do get along with like them. I don’t know that you really need to make a big declaration to D.
It may be as simple as keeping whatever boundary between yourself and E that you want and being cordial if you ever find yourself in a group situation. Indeed, bringing D into this may create more issues and unnecessarily make her think she has to solve the fracture.
From your letter, it seems that you and E have expectations that aren’t matching up. If you were going to be in close proximity more often or if you wanted to work it out, I’d suggest having a conversation to hash it out calmly, with an eye on communicating better in the future. But as it stands, it’s fine to let E remain a friend of a friend.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
©2026 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
Find more words of wisdom like friendship troubles: from insensitive parents to a husband’s mid-life crisis, and DNA surprises
Boomer Advice for Life department
For advice targeted to senior adults and their families – such as caregiving, grandparenting, and retirement communities
