Woman’s Driving and Paranoia Are a Dangerous Mix
Can her friend intervene?
A friend in a retirement home has health issues and multiple driving tickets because of her paranoia. Most importantly, her driving and paranoia are dangerous. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
I’m 82 years old. I live in a retirement home where I’ve made two close friends, Wilma and Janet.
Out of all of us, Wilma’s health is the worst. Her eyesight has taken a turn, and her hearing isn’t what it used to be either.
Janet and I have tried to get her to visit her doctor (especially about her arthritis), but she is highly paranoid and thinks that the doctors are going to give her “pills that do nothing” and “run her for all that she’s worth”.
Janet, Wilma’s husband, and I used to laugh it off as a stubborn quirk of hers, but now it’s gotten more serious. Wilma’s driving has become downright unwieldy, and she has been stacking up tickets, and she refuses to use the shared transportation provided by the home because she “doesn’t know where they’re taking her.”
If she’s not careful, she could lose her license for the second time, most likely permanently. How can Janet and I bring up this issue without her shutting down or invoking conspiracy theories? Or should we just step back and let her face the consequences of her own stubbornness?
– Worried Friend
Dear Friend:
If Wilma is a danger to herself or others behind the wheel, it’s imperative that someone step in before anyone gets hurt. Most states’ Departments of Motor Vehicles have a site or phone number where you can anonymously request checks on suspected problem drivers. Call yours to see what your options are.
It’s not appropriate for me to speculate about the source of Wilma’s paranoia, but, whether it’s a quirk or a sign of a mental and/or physical issues, it’s something that needs treatment.
You, or Wilma’s husband, or both should try to have a frank, but kind conversation with her about it. “I understand that you’re distrustful of a lot of things and I respect that you want to feel comfortable. But some of your responses make us concerned. Would you let us help you find solutions?”
From here you can explore options such as a house call from a doctor, or seeing a doctor completely covered by her insurance. There may not be a perfect solution, because it sounds like her reality has been severely distorted. But an intervention may help her start to see an alternative to her current thinking.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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