Unemployed Son Threatens a Couple’s Retirement
Husband says their savings are fine, but the wife isn’t so sure
Helping their youngest son, who can’t hold down a job, and their daughter-in-law threatens a couple’s retirement savings. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
I am 62 (F) and my husband is 65 (M). While our older children have good jobs and work hard for their families, our youngest child, well, doesn’t.
Our child can’t seem to hold a job, getting laid off or leaving them. He has been unemployed, once again, since June. And now we found out that his wife is getting laid off at the end of October.
The problem is they come to us for money. All. The. Time. My husband, bless his heart, can’t say no.
However, my husband is retired, and I am planning to retire at the end of the year. I keep asking my husband how much money he will continue to give to this child. He says that he won’t jeopardize our future/retirement, but I feel that he 1) won’t stop, 2) already has, and 3) will resent me if he does stop and something happens to said child.
How do I convince my husband that he is enabling our child and that a change needs to be made? And how can we help said child without compromising our future and making the other children resentful?
– Drowning in Our Child’s Debt
Dear Drowning:
Inadvertently (or not) your child is taking advantage of you, using your generosity as a safety net and also as a cushion to protect him from having to make hard choices or face consequences.
Bring in a third party, namely a financial adviser, and set the goal of building a reasonable and protective budget for retirement that allows for emergencies and all the things you want to do. You can also build in a line item for helping your son. And, with the adviser, have a serious conversation with your husband about whether the budget reflects your values and can be honored.
This is a place to talk about your fears using the specifics of numbers. Your husband has to accept that he can’t fix every problem for your child, but that’s his work to do and you can’t force him, too. What you can do is bring in help to craft the next phase of your life financially and put in safeguards that keep your husband’s compassion from getting the best of him.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
©2026 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
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