Party Pooper Criticizes Food and Drink Choices
And not just any party pooper – it’s her brother
Because her brother often criticizes food and drink choices, a woman is dreading a family party that she usually looks forward to. Advice columnist Eric Thomas suggests strategies for dealing with his harassment.
Dear Eric:
I’ve got a family party in a few weeks that I look forward to every year, but I am dreading this one. Until recently my brother was extremely overweight due to eating far too much and taking no exercise. He was also a very heavy drinker. He’s turned that around now, which is great, although he still has a lot of weight to lose.
The trouble is he’s been criticizing what others eat and drink. Just the smallest comments occasionally about the calorie content of what you eat and what drinking does to you. He even occasionally comments on my size, telling me I have big hips, or I look fat in what I’m wearing. He has a toxic personality and has always been jealous of everything I’ve done.
He doesn’t say these things to be helpful; he says them to be hurtful (if he wasn’t
criticizing what I eat and drink it would be something else).
Obviously, a party has a lot of food and drink, things that you don’t have every day, and people indulge because it’s a rare thing. I am dreading the comments he is going to make. I am self-conscious about my weight.
I intend to enjoy myself at this party and forget about it, just for one night. If I tell him to stop it the family will turn on me. It’s happened before as he is the golden child for some reason. It will be made to look like I’m picking on him. How should I deal with the inevitable comments without causing a scene?
– Wants to Party
Dear Party:
It sounds like your brother has a long history of working out insecurity. Unfortunately, he chooses to work it out on others, particularly on you. This isn’t healthy and it won’t help him. But that’s a problem that’s on his side of the street.
In order to enjoy yourself, insulate yourself as much as possible. First, through self-coaching. Remind yourself that his words aren’t coming from a place of care or of truth. Every word is his own lack of self-confidence talking. Reframing the comments internally may lessen their impact slightly.
Second, bring backup. Bring a friend, brief them on your concerns and never leave their side. This may not stop your brother from making his comments, but they may feel different when you’ve got someone right next to you who supports and affirms you.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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