A Recession Primer for Consumers
A tongue-in-cheek look at economic vocabulary you should know
As inflation continues to grind on U.S. consumers, it’s even more important to understand economic terminology. In this From Our Readers entry, Jackie and Roger Pierangelo offer a tongue-in-cheek recession primer for the times.
A
Assets: Things that used to double in value but are now worth half of what they cost you
Annuity Plan: Your retirement nest egg that is now paying your monthly bills
Annual Statement: “How am I ever going to raise the f’in money for this month’s bills?”
Adam Smith: A former know- it-all
Asexuality: What occurs to your wife as your six-figure income becomes five figures
Automatic Stabilizers: The $3 discount on your next purchase indicated on your last food store receipt
B
Bear Market: Having a Kiosk at the Bronx Zoo selling animal souvenirs to pay for rent
Bloomafleabia: The traumatic transition from Bloomingdales to the flea market
C
Chapter 13: As far as you got before you had to return the book to the public library to avoid paying a penalty
Chapter 41: Getting up the balls to ask your 41-year-old brother (who was always your mother’s favorite son) for a loan to meet your monthly bills.
Close Friend: A good substitute for money fame and power
Credit Crunch: The sound from stale bread that was 50% off at the market
Coupon Bond: The feeling of closeness that a family gets while sitting around a table cutting out discount food coupons
D
Default: When you blame everyone and everything else for your economic problems – “it’s default of…”
Deflation: The state of mind one gets on a first date when the girl meets you at your parents’ house and you thought youhad enough money for the meal you had last week at the same restaurant but tonight it’s up 30% more.
Deficit Spending: What you always did even before the recession
Depression: Something that was once easily alleviated by a $2000 “HIT” at Bloomingdales
Domino Theory of Economics: When you hope that the Domino’s Pizza delivery boy is more than 30 minutes late so that you get a free pizza that night.
F
Foreplay: Two hours of begging
Forehand: Something that quickly “rusts “without $10,000 in lessons
G
GDP: (Gross Domestic Product) : The sight of your dirty underwear on the floor of your apartment that is waiting for you to get money for the laundromat.
Gray Market: A term that marketing researchers will use to refer to the Yuppies and Baby Boomers who will be aging in the 2025
GNP: “God No Porsche”!
I
Insolvency: A daily occurrence
J
Jobless claims: The list of jobs you got off AI that you never apply to but tell your friends you are in the final interviews to sound impressive
Junk Bonds: A relationship based only on one’s social status
L
Layoff: What you tell your parents to do when they keep asking when you are getting a job
Liquidity Trap: Going for that third beer after getting your final notice at work
M
Mortgage-Backed Security: Your in-laws
O
One Day Sales: A commonly used store policy which resembles the last days of Saigon
Q
Quantitative Easing: Selling your prized shoe collection on eBay to pay bills
R
Romex-Complex: The psychological trauma experienced when going from a Rolex to a Timex
S
Staying Liquid: In the Roaring ’80s, this term meant converting your assets to cash, while now this term refers to keeping your body full of liquor.
Spring Luncheon: What used to be known as a charity luncheon, for which you would buy a $400 dress, spend a $100 fora manicure and hairdo, and $100 for the ticket and raffles and is now known as going to lunch with anybody and having them spring for the lunch.
Stagflation: No money for dating
Stimulus Package: The beautiful blonde who moves in next door to your apartment and drives a Porsche is a model, and is single.
T
Theory of Relativity: Eating cheaply over a relative’s house
Read more like this humorous recession primer, childhood memories, and other contributions from Boomer readers in our
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