Neighbors Rude to Man with Autism Spectrum Disorder
The neighbors should know better, but what’s he to do?
The neighbors are rude to a 55-year-old man with autism spectrum disorder because they don’t understand his behaviors. All of us can benefit from respecting people who differ from us, including someone with autism spectrum disorder, both men and women. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
I live with autism spectrum disorder and have been in regular, independent housing since I was 19. I’m 55 and I’ve managed to work full time for almost 10 years in spite of previous employment where I was harassed due to discrimination because of my neurodiversity. I’m settled into a new career in an accommodating environment that’s autism-friendly, with understanding bosses and colleagues. So, my problem isn’t work, it’s my neighbors that are the issue.
For the past year and a half that I’ve lived where I am, I have faced nothing but rudeness.
People look at me funny and ask me if I’m “OK.” When I ask them why, they say I appear “fidgety.” These comments come mainly from older men and it’s nasty and irritating. I’ve made every effort through ongoing therapy to control it, and I do keep it to a minimum. I refuse to be medicated due to my extreme sensitivity to side effects. I’ve been on it for years and I have missed many sunrises because of the heavy drowsiness that was a side effect.
Last night, I went off on a guy for making a nasty comment about how I made him nervous. I didn’t make any eye contact and didn’t say anything except “Hello” when he got on the elevator. I was so furious.
I’ve put up with prejudiced comments regarding my neurodiversity, and I just want it to stop. Any advice on how to tune out ignorant neighbors who refuse to shut up? I’m thinking headphones as one solution, since hearing these condescending comments really trigger my hot temper.
– Not From Outer Space
Dear Not From Outer Space:
I’m sorry you have to deal with these unkind neighbors. There’s nothing wrong with fidgeting and you don’t owe anyone an explanation simply for living your life.
Headphones are a great option, especially ones that are more visible (rather than earbuds). Some people also like to wear a button that lets people know how you want to be interacted with.
The goal is your comfort rather than bending yourself to the wants of strangers. So, think about what will make your life easier as you go to and from your home. It sounds like these interactions may be contributing to a feeling of overload. That’s not good for you and it’s not what you want, so you should feel empowered to take proactive steps so that you feel most comfortable and can plan to avoid them.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
©2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
Find more words of wisdom like managing neighbors who are rude to a man with autism: from insensitive parents to a husband’s mid-life crisis, and DNA surprises
Boomer Advice for Life department
For advice targeted to senior adults and their families – such as caregiving, grandparenting, and retirement communities
