Well-Meaning But Not-So-Helpful Guest
Two broken glasses and food particles and lipstick on dishes
A well-meaning friend regularly insists on washing and drying dishes, but her efforts are more harmful than helpful. How can the not-so-helpful guest be stopped, nicely? Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
About once a week or so, my wife has a small group of close friends over to the house for lunch. As she is now dependent upon a walker due to a recent surgery and age-related issues, one of the ladies has insisted on washing and drying the dishes after their meal.
While this would be a great thing under normal circumstances, the woman has not only broken two nice glasses, but she does a terrible job of washing everything. She has included leaving food particles attached to the silverware and lipstick on coffee cups. As a result, I have to sort through the drawers and cupboards to find and rewash whatever she has put away.
Although my wife has politely told the woman that she is a guest and her company is appreciated at the table with her other friends, the woman makes like a tornado at the sink and can’t be stopped.
Although I never join the ladies for their afternoon lunch, I did make a point of politely repeating my wife’s request, which was completely ignored.
Thus, do you have any suggestions on how to stop this well-meaning, not-so-helpful guest from washing the dishes after their lunch?
– Flummoxed
Dear Flummoxed:
While your wife’s friend may be trying to do a favor, it’s of little help if it just creates more work. You’ll have to be a little more intransigent about the issue. Try talking to her privately. Thank her for her efforts and tell her, “I really am going to have to insist that you let me take care of the washing up. It’s important to me and it’s important to my wife. If you’d like to help in another way, we’re open to it, but we will be happiest and most comfortable if you just enjoy your time as a guest.”
Another, potentially more effective, remedy: you can make sure that you’re at home during the lunches, even if you don’t join them. Before the dishwashing tornado starts, clear the dishes, start the wash your way and shoo anyone else out of the kitchen.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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