Sister Blabs Brother’s Paternity Secret
A public declaration that he didn’t even know
His sister revealed on Facebook that he was the result of a 70-year-old affair, a paternity secret that he was unaware of. Now the gobsmacked man is full of questions about the way forward. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
Last year my sister posted on Facebook that I was the result of an affair my mother had many years ago. It was with her first husband which ended in an annulment in 1941. The affair was in 1957.
Throughout my life I did feel that way. My father, mother and three siblings had blond hair. I had brown hair, now gray. My paternal grandmother treated me differently.
I wanted to prove my sister wrong. I took another DNA test. It looks as though I proved her correct. The test showed 21 matches with my mother’s first husband’s last name. I am 68 and now I know.
My concerns are now that my sister will find out. Secondly, I don’t know my family medical history. Lastly, my wife and children need to know. Most of all, I’m concerned about who else knows. What should I do? Should I reach out to one of the DNA matches?
– Confused Paternity
Dear Confused:
I’m sorry about your sister’s actions. This is your news to share or not share; posting about this on Facebook strikes me as cruel. It wasn’t right.
You get to choose what parts of your narrative and identity are for public consumption and which are private. You may choose to never share this with some or all of the people in your life. That’s just fine. To that end, other people may know or suspect but try to put that out of your mind. If they are not helping you learn something you want to learn about yourself, they are not part of this journey.
Reaching out to one of the DNA matches may help you get more information and teach you what questions you have. At the same time, you may want to talk to a therapist or a trusted faith leader about what you’ve learned and what you’re feeling. This will surely bring up some complicated emotions. You owe it to yourself to process those.
Take as much time as you need to process. Again, this is about you. You’ll know when it feels right to let your family in on what’s going on inside. You’ll probably want to let your wife know sooner, however, so that she can walk with you in this and support you as you put the pieces together.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
©2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
Find more words of wisdom like this spilled paternity secret: from insensitive parents to a husband’s mid-life crisis and more
Boomer Advice for Life department
For advice targeted to senior adults and their families – such as caregiving, grandparenting, and retirement communities
