Bar Conversations of a Solo Diner

In bar conversations at his neighborhood tavern, humorist Greg Schwem has met with old friends and made new ones, including two memorable bibliophiles.

F. O’Mahony’s, a corner tavern nestled less than two blocks from my Chicago condominium, has served me well over the years. I’ve met old friends and encountered new ones during solo visits. Rarely have I failed to strike up conversations with strangers, on topics ranging from the Cubs’ playoff chances to, more recently, the likelihood that National Guard troops may soon be patrolling a city that clearly doesn’t need them.

During one visit, I noticed a solo male whom I’ll call Adam, reading a book. Not a book on a screen; a book with pages. As he prepared to pay his bill I asked what he was reading. Call me annoyingly inquisitive, but I have always been fascinated by book lovers who read in bars. On a plane? Sure. In a hammock swinging between two palm trees? Even better. But concentrating on the printed word while surrounded by other patrons in various stages of inebriation? Different.

Adam revealed he was reading “Why We’re Polarized” by liberal political commentator Ezra Klein. That led to a discussion about Klein’s podcast, which I’ve listened to sporadically. We also expressed mutual admiration for humor author David Sedaris. Adam put away his wallet and stayed for another 30 minutes even though it was “Soup Night,” a weekly tradition created by him and his girlfriend. We exchanged contact information and vowed to pick up the conversation at a later date.

Fast-forward to Labor Day weekend. Entering Mahony’s around 8 p.m., the only available bar seat was next to another solo male also engrossed in a book while nursing a tap beer. After a few minutes, my inquisitive trait surfaced once again.

“Mind if I ask what you’re reading?”

“Not at all,” he said, closing the book to reveal the cover.

“God: A Human History” by Reza Aslan.

Now what do I do?

“Well, THAT’S a rather lengthy subject,” I said.

Amazon describes Aslan’s book as blending “ deep spiritual truths with practical guidance, helping believers renew their understanding of God’s character and His faithful love. Named one of the top fifty books that have shaped evangelicals by Christianity Today, this inspiring resource bridges head knowledge and heartfelt devotion, making it a must-read for those yearning to deepen their spiritual walk.”

At this point, asking, “What do you think of the Cubs’ playoff chances?” seemed inappropriate. Also, interrupting someone trying to understand God sounded akin to answering a cellphone during Confession.

I opted for a different approach.

“Do you come here often?”

It sounded like a worn out pickup line, which was hardly the intention. I was generously curious why an early 30s male was spending the beginning of a vibrant holiday weekend solo, engrossed in such a heavy subject.

I’ll call this customer “Stephen,” as I think all bar patrons deserve some level of anonymity. Stephen revealed he and his wife of eight years were in week one of a three-week trial separation. He was staying with friends in a different Chicago neighborhood while his wife remained at home. Divorce, he said, was most likely in their future.

I revealed it had been less than 18 months since my marriage of 29 years ended. My ex and I were courting when Stephen was born. I, too, read plenty while our lawyers haggled over the divorce’s finalities but the authors were usually therapists writing about why lengthy marriages go south and how to navigate single life after they do.

“Is the book helpful?” I asked.

“It is,” Stephen replied.

“Then that’s all that matters,” I said. We finished our beers simultaneously, paid our checks and exited together. We also exchanged numbers.

“I really hope you and your wife can make things work,” I said. “Text me if you want to continue the conversation. I’m always here to listen.”

Divorced people, I’ve found out, are good at that.

“Definitely. Thanks,” he said, before disappearing down Broadway.

I turned and walked toward my condo, smiling slightly. It’s nice to know you’re the second person on someone’s support list during a rough patch.

Especially if God is number one.

Greg Schwem is a veteran comedian, motivational speaker, and humor specialist known for blending business insights with standup comedy. He is also the author of three Amazon bestsellers. His latest, “Turning Gut Punches into Punch Lines: A Comedian’s Journey Through Cancer, Divorce and Other Hilarious Stuff,” was released in September 2024. Visit Greg on the web at www.gregschwem.com.

©2025 Greg Schwem. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.