Should She Skip the Wedding Over Political Choices?
‘I miss the fun times when politics were not involved’
Because she strongly disagrees with her brother’s political choices, she’s tempted to skip her niece’s wedding. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
I am questioning my decision on whether to go to my brother’s daughter’s wedding. They live two states away, and I have not seen them for a few years. I love my brother, but I don’t respect or agree with his political choices and views. Except now it feels more like a moral issue because of what is going on currently in our country. What is happening now is horrific and I don’t want to schmooze with people who support it. I equate it to being similar to what happened in Germany in the late 1930s.
I’m pretty sure politics will not be brought up at the wedding. But just the association concerns me. At the same time, I also feel these family events are few and far between and we are getting older and I miss the fun times we used to have together when politics were not involved. I am sad that this is dividing us. What should I do?
– Sad Sister
Dear Sister:
I understand not wanting to associate with people whose actions are, in your view, causing harm. However, I think it’s important to make a distinction between actions and political choices and opinions. Opinions don’t exist in a vacuum, obviously; they influence actions. But being in the same room as someone with whom you disagree doesn’t suggest you cosign on their opinions. Especially if those opinions aren’t the subject of the gathering.
Ask yourself what will be achieved by skipping the wedding. I present this question neutrally. You may feel that it accomplishes something for you or convinces your brother to think in a different way. But you may find that it doesn’t do the most good, or any good at all. You may find that there are other ways to shift this relationship.
I also don’t know if your brother is taking actions that you find morally objectionable, because that should and would impact your decision. From your letter, it sounds like the divide is ideological. Ultimately, I think the long and short of it is that your niece’s wedding isn’t an event that’s going to ask you to make a choice or take a stand.
There is obviously some rebuilding to be done in your relationship with your brother, but the wedding is probably not the right place to do it. Ask yourself what’s possible here and what could be possible in the future. It sounds like it would be meaningful to you to attend. It sounds like, human-to-human, it might be beneficial to your family relationships to celebrate your niece.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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