Veteran Seeks His Lost Love
A real-life ‘Notebook’ in the making
Decades after their high-school romance, after his service in Vietnam and the letters she never answered, this veteran seeks his lost love. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
In high school I went with Bev for a time and I deeply loved her. Bev was outstandingly beautiful; she had a wonderful personality and was liked by all. She was two years younger than me. As young love would have it: she was deeply in love with me also. She was my life.
I felt that she was way too good for me and I broke off contact with her, seemingly breaking her heart, she said.
The day before I went into the army (Vietnam War), she contacted me and wanted me to write to her. I told her it would not be a good idea because I was going to be gone for two years and she would be in college. But she insisted.
I did send her two letters giving her my address, but she never contacted me. The letters were addressed to her at our hometown address. I was irritated that I did not get a return letter for her college address.
I always wondered if her parents did not like me and threw the letters away. I would like to contact her to find out if she received the letters. Do you have any suggestions?
– Old G.I.
Dear G.I.:
A similar situation befell the main characters of the Rachel McAdams/Ryan Gosling movie “The Notebook.” The good news for them is that her parents had been hiding the letters, and they discovered it in time. Life is never as neat as a movie, but sometimes we can get the closure we seek to end the story, as it were.
To that end, reach out and ask. I’m presuming that your curiosity is platonic. That is, you’re not expecting this conversation to rekindle your past relationship. Anything is possible, of course, but it’s safer for both of you if you go in simply seeking an answer to your question. This also shows respect for the likelihood that she has had other relationships and could be in one right now.
It’s best to do this on a public social media platform, like Facebook, if she has a profile. This keeps a boundary and allows her an out if she doesn’t want to engage. Short of that, you may want to contact a mutual friend to serve as a go-between. The friend can ask her if she’s interested in connecting and then you can go from there.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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