The Single Lady Likes Him – But He Smells
Should she tell him or move along?
Frankly, age isn’t the issue here! A lady in her 70s could see getting romantic with this “very nice gentleman,” but he smells, likely from poor hygiene. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
I am a single lady in my 70s with a comfortable and active social life. I am not looking for, but would not turn away from, a nice romance. I have recently met a very nice gentleman that has shown considerable interest in me.
As far as personality and interests go, I could see us as quite compatible. We have had opportunities to be together in several group activities as well as a few one-on-one activities and we truly enjoy each other’s company.
The problem lies in his personal hygiene. Quite bluntly, he smells! His clothes aren’t clean and I don’t think he showers daily. It could be that he just kicks up a lot of dirt during the day and doesn’t refresh at home before he goes out for the evening. But it’s definitely a deterrent for me.
Is it best for me to just keep this friendship at arm’s length? Or is there some way to properly address this issue with him?
– Odor Issue
Dear Issue:
A conversation about what’s standing between the two of you might be awkward – indeed it will probably be at least a little awkward – but it’s the way to go. It would be one thing if you weren’t interested in a relationship. Then your no could be a simple no, and it would behoove this gentleman to accept it and move on. But if this is something you want to pursue, you should say something.
Think of it this way, communication is going to be the bedrock of any relationship. So, instead of keeping him at arm’s length and leaving him to wonder, you have the opportunity to clue him in on your experience and ask for what you need.
You might start by saying that you don’t mean to offend him and you respect his personal choice, but you want to share what’s keeping you from being more serious with him. Use “I” statements to talk about your experience with odors and your relationship to hygiene.
I encourage you to push through the awkwardness, even if it doesn’t result in a romantic relationship. His lack of hygiene could indicate a deeper issue or, at the very least, an opportunity for him to be healthier. It might be difficult for him to hear, but it could be ultimately good for him to know that someone cares enough to say something.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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