Should Snowbirds Drive 1,000 Miles?
The annual trek worries the family
A concerned family doesn’t want the grandparents to make the annual treks between Michigan and Florida. Should these snowbirds drive 1,000 miles on their own? Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
My grandparents spend the winter in Florida every year, traveling down from Michigan. They are very determined to drive themselves I think because it gives them a sense of freedom. However, my family and I are becoming very concerned that they might get in an accident on the way. They are really stubborn and don’t have much money to pay for flights and refuse our offers to help them out with the cost of a flight. Any advice?
– Concerned
Dear Concerned:
It’s important to distinguish between a concern that’s rooted in impairment or a loss of skill, versus a concern that has more to do with your grandparent’s age. I can’t tell from your letter whether you’re aware of incidents or behaviors that suggest your grandparents aren’t safe behind the wheel anymore or whether you’re mostly thinking about how long the drive is and how taxing it would be.
Both are fair concerns – driving from Michigan to Florida would be a challenge for anyone. But if your grandparents can still safely drive, it’s important to not undermine their autonomy. (If they do have diminished capacity, that’s a different story. It’s then important to have a serious conversation with them about the danger they pose to themselves and others. If they are still insistent, you can contact their local DMV to report an unsafe driver.)
Presuming they are still safe to drive, talk to them about your worries using “I” statements and try to be specific. Are you afraid they’ll get into an accident because the drive will make them tired? If so, talk about that and ask them to help assuage your fears by explaining their practices for taking breaks, switching drivers and stopping along the way. A solution may be as simple as adding a day on to the journey and shortening their driving days. If that’s the case, you and your family might be able to help by footing the bill for an additional hotel somewhere along the way, or even a sightseeing diversion to keep things interesting as they make their way down to Florida. They may be stubborn or they may have well-founded confidence. A conversation can clarify.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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