Husband Is Posting Unflattering Photos of His Wife
Otherwise, he is a ‘wonderful man’
Her husband is a wonderful man, but he has started posting unflattering photos of his wife, and gripes about taking them down. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
I have been married to a wonderful man for 44 years. My husband has a large following on social media platforms due to his former career. For the most part he makes interesting posts and these posts are seen and commented on by many people.
My complaint is this: my husband seems to (whether intentionally or unintentionally) continuously post extremely unflattering pictures of me on social media. If I comment on an unflattering picture that he has posted, he will rather begrudgingly take the offensive picture down.
His response to me is that I don’t like having my picture taken and he’s not wrong. Knowing that my picture, whether flattering or not, is going to be posted (or shared with our family) is extremely daunting. When my husband takes a photograph, he never looks at it. He thinks all of the pictures he takes are perfect with the first take.
My question for you is, how do I approach this habit of constantly posting unflattering photos with him? Or do I let this be the one minor thing wrong with this otherwise wonderful man?
– Photo Shy
Dear Photo Shy:
It’s worth bringing up because it makes you uncomfortable and is, therefore, creating an issue in your marriage. Honestly, it’s not unreasonable to say, “please don’t post pictures of me on social media at all.” This gets around the issue of debating “what is a good photo,” which could just distract you both and isn’t really the point. He has a different standard than you do, but it doesn’t matter if he thinks the photo is fine. You don’t want these photos online, especially in front of a large audience.
It’ll be important to point out to him that this is a professional space that has garnered a lot of attention and therefore it has to be held to a different standard. There are ways of using social media as just a private photo album or a diary, but it is designed to be public and for content to spread beyond its context. Remind him that you have a different relationship with his public than he does and ask that he keep photos of you to himself.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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