Advice for the Coldplay Kiss-Cam Victim
From someone who has been here but not quite there
If you have been a kiss-cam victim caught in a marital indiscretion, your actions etched into eternity, humorist Greg Schwem has some advice for you.
By now anybody with a social media presence, even MySpace, is familiar with Andy Byron.
During a Coldplay concert in Massachusetts, the former CEO of New York-based tech firm Astronomer was caught on a “kiss-cam” canoodling with a woman who was not his wife. Instead, it was his company’s HR director.
Within days Byron tendered his resignation, reportedly became a defendant in divorce proceedings and found himself the subject of countless memes, spoof videos and Coldplay song parodies trashing his name and reputation.
Not since Matt Lauer has someone’s personal and professional life exploded in such spectacular and public fashion.
Byron is certainly not the first guy whose indiscretions were discovered. The National Institutes of Health report 88.8% of divorced couples cite infidelity as the reason for ending their marriages. However, Byron may be the first, indeed the ONLY husband whose downfall was caused by a Jumbotron and accompanying commentary from a rock band’s lead singer.
“Either they’re having an affair or they’re very shy,” said Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, as Byron ducked out of frame and his companion covered her face.
So where does Byron go from here? Undoubtedly he has divorced friends. I’m not his friend, but I’d be happy to step into that role if he called. I am recently divorced and could offer him comfort and support, just as my divorced friends did during my most difficult moments. I had questions; they had answers.
However, I didn’t begin my queries with, “Hey guys, what do I do now that my kiss-cam mug has been shared millions of times?”
“Can’t help you there, dude,” would have certainly been the response. They might have added, “Cheer up, Greg. At least ‘Saturday Night Live’ is on hiatus.”
Byron, unfortunately, is in unchartered waters. He can’t turn to support groups for his issues, because there are none. At least not according to ChatGPT and Google, both of which came up empty when I searched, “Are there support groups for men whose marriages have ended because of a Coldplay kiss-cam?” To its credit, ChatGPT suggested MensGroup.com, which offers “structured infidelity support programs and group discussions in a private, judgment-free environment.”
Google just spit out news clippings, pics and memes of Byron’s indiscretion. No doubt he’s already seen those.
I think Byron should embrace the “When one door closes, another opens” school of thinking. He’s obviously a savvy businessman, as evidenced by the CEO title. Perhaps it’s time to launch a new business:
KissCamKiller.com
Guys (and girls), has your ill-timed behavior ever been broadcast on a massive screen at a sporting event or concert? We’ve all seen clips of the guy on his cellphone, waving off his partner who wanted a smooch. Or the guy who was a little, um, overly aggressive when kissing his mate, leading to what was surely an icy car ride home that evening.
If this is you, Andy Byron can help!
Expect to pay handsomely for his services. No need to explain why. But in return, you will get honest advice from someone “who knows what it’s like to be you!” Over Zoom, Byron and you will brainstorm your next career move. Suing a famous rock band is probably out of the question, but what about starting a podcast? Interview another kiss-cam victim for a “Where are they now?” segment.
Think about merchandise. Cups or T-shirts proclaiming, “Yeah, that was me!” could be big sellers. Give the gang at ‘Shark Tank’ a taste of your venture. You never know. Andy, if you’re reading this, I understand your exuberance.
If you choose to move forward, I suggest you headquarter KissCamKiller.com in my hometown of Chicago. We know it’s a great business city, sporting the headquarters of Fortune 500 heavyweights like McDonald’s and Motorola. But there is another reason to fall in love with the location:
Coldplay skipped Chicago on its 2025 tour.
Greg Schwem is a veteran comedian, motivational speaker, and humor specialist known for blending business insights with standup comedy. He is also the author of three Amazon bestsellers. His latest, “Turning Gut Punches into Punch Lines: A Comedian’s Journey Through Cancer, Divorce and Other Hilarious Stuff,” was released in September 2024. Visit Greg on the web at www.gregschwem.com.
©2025 Greg Schwem. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
Like laughing? Check out Boomer articles on laughter or the baby boomer humor of Randy Fitzgerald.
