Advice from Amy: ‘Grandmom Is Annoying Me’

By Amy Dickinson | February 4th, 2022

‘Grandmom Is Annoying Me’


adult grandson and grandmom Photo by Katarzyna Bialasiewicz Dreamstime. This ’favorite grandson’ tells Amy that his 91-year-old grandmom is annoying him by expecting too much of him. What does Ask Amy advice columnist Amy Dickinson suggest? Image

This ’favorite grandson’ tells Amy that his 91-year-old grandmom is annoying him by expecting too much of him. What does Ask Amy advice columnist Amy Dickinson suggest?


Dear Amy:

My grandmother is 91 and lives on her own. Her husband died a year ago.

Although she has a few other grandchildren locally, I have always been her favorite because I was the first grandson.

My mom lives less than a mile away and sees her almost daily, and my grandmother talks to her neighbors, so she isn’t totally isolated.

I am in my 40s and live 20 miles away.

Ever since I learned to drive, my grandmother has asked me to come over for dinner. She often tries to lock me into a date for the next dinner before the one I’m eating is even finished.

This has always been annoying.

Over the years I would jokingly complain about it, but let it go.

This past year, with her living alone, this has gotten worse.

Now she expects me to come at least twice a week and complains if she doesn’t get enough one-on-one time with me.

She also has been complaining that “It has been a while” since she last saw me when it has only been a few days.

I cringe when she calls or texts because I know I’ll be asked to come over for dinner. Then I have to come up with some excuse – or cave.

I could visit three or four times a week and it still wouldn’t be enough! I don’t want her to stop inviting me over, I just don’t want to make it a part of every conversation.

Without sounding selfish or uncaring, how do I tell her that this kind of behavior is annoying and makes me not want to answer the phone?

– Favorite Grandson

Dear Favorite: I do not give you permission to give your 91-year-old grandmother the brush-off.

One solution is to have a “standing date” once a week with her. Every Sunday afternoon, you will drive over to see her. If you can also see her at other times, that will be a bonus for both of you.

If she agitates about the next date, remind her: “Sunday is just four days away. I’m looking forward to it!”

Your grandmother was widowed last year. She has been through a lot. Her memory may be failing.

Come on, man! You can handle a little annoyance. Show up.


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In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart – ranging from when a grandson says his grandmom is annoying to DNA surprises. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068

© 2021 by Amy Dickinson

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