DNA Surprise

By Amy Dickinson | November 16th, 2021

Wife discovers her husband’s biological father

sad spouses Photo by Fizkes Dreamstime for article on DNA surprise

The husband and wife started on their DNA-discovery journey together, but she found out more information than her husband knew. Should she tell him?

Dear Amy:

My husband has always suspected the man he’s always known as his dad is not his biological father, although this knowledge would break his dad’s heart.

We both decided to do a DNA test.

His results showed him being very different than the family’s ethnicity.

I wanted to link my husband’s profile to mine, in order to have all of the information together.

With his permission, I logged onto his account. He hadn’t yet chosen the option to find family members.

The very first family connection was for his biological father, which was a different name than the dad he knows.

I panicked and turned that feature off immediately and have kept this information a secret ever since.

Since my husband had wanted to know the answer for so long, I thought he would take this opportunity to look into it more, but after getting the results of the heritage, he has never really said much about it.

With the possible answer at his fingertips, he is shying away from it, so I don’t feel it’s my place to tell him.

Should I say something, or leave this alone?

This information could shatter both sides of his family.

– Wish I Didn’t Know

Dear Wish:

This is your husband’s journey, and he should control the pace.

Your burden will be to sit on this knowledge with patience and compassion. If there is ever a health-related urgent reason to uncover this DNA parentage, you’ll need to make a fresh choice about what to do.

You might only say to your husband, “The answer is waiting for you. Whenever you might be ready to take the next step, understand that I will be with you all the way.”

Want to get even more life tips from Amy? Read more of her advice columns here!

In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068

© 2021 by Amy Dickinson

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