Fair-Weather Friends Flock to Her Resort Home
They changed their tunes with news of her move
“Friends” who had little to do with her changed their tune when a woman announced her move to a resort town. Now they even expect her to host them in her home. See what “Ask Amy” says about these fair-weather friends with resort-town strings attached.
I’m a 53-year-old woman. Because of a stressful job I’ve had for the last 20 years, I have some friends, but making new ones can be a struggle when I’ve had to work 14- to 17-hour days.
More recently, I’ve tried to reach out to two women I’ve known for a while. Sadly, they both have kept their distance—one actually waited until the day after I asked her to lunch, apologizing for “missing my text.”
I was stung by the brush-off, but tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and waited to see if she might reciprocate the invitation. She didn’t.
I finally decided that I needed to change my lifestyle, sold my old house, and am buying a small place in a very sunny popular tourist town I’ve always loved.
My friends have been congratulatory and supportive, including the two women who have been brushing me off.
They’ve both reached out (separately, they’re not friends with one another) with sincere questions about when I can host them and their families for a visit.
Amy, I haven’t even closed on my condo!
Neither of these fair-weather friends are making any effort to say goodbye before I leave town. They have only expressed excitement to visit me 1,800 miles away.
I’m fine leaving these people behind, but since one of them (the same one who blew off my text) has now actually sent me dates for her future visit to my condo, I’m at a loss of how to respond.
I told her I’m buying a one-bedroom place and that I don’t think that she, her husband, and children will be comfortable sleeping on my couch (together), but she assured me that they’ll “make-do.”
I don’t want to tell her off and don’t want this to be twisted into any backlash among other mutual friends. Should I just ignore her text messages, like she did mine?
I don’t want to be a doormat, and don’t want to cause friction. Is there a response that will be both finite, yet not “rude?”
– Resentful Future Hostess
If you don’t want to be a doormat, then definitely guard your welcome mat.
This one woman’s gall is quite extraordinary (she should bottle that moxie!). You could ghost her, but I fear that might somehow translate to her showing up at your doorstep with her husband and kids.
Answer her next self-invitation text: “Oops – I’m so sorry I haven’t been clear enough. I will not be hosting you and your family in my new home at any point. It’s just not possible.”
After that you can ghost, block, ignore, and unfriend your fair-weather friends. Enjoy your new life, find a few names of guest houses in your new town, and if people invite themselves to visit, you can send them a list of places to stay.
In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart – ranging from fair-weather friends to dark family secrets and DNA surprises. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers. You can email Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.
©2023 by Amy Dickinson