Health Trends That Make You Say ‘Huh?’

In stumbling upon an apothecary diner, humorist Greg Schwem discovered health trends that required use of AI to understand. But they were tasty!

Staying healthy in 2026 is going to require a dictionary. Or maybe a translator.

I realized this recently while strolling through Santa Fe, New Mexico, known, appropriately, as “The City Different.” In between the dozens of art galleries, Pueblo-inspired architectural sites and western wear retail stores sat a small shop advertising day spa services and “apothecary” dining.

It was the “dining” that drew my companion and I inside, as we saw patrons sipping assorted beverages and decided we, too, were thirsty and in need of some liquid libation.

Artificial Intelligence, specifically ChatGPT, helped me understand that apothecary dining focuses on a “food as medicine” concept, using “botanical infused ingredients to promote positive health benefits and well-being.”

In other words, not your average Starbucks.

Our server appeared with menus, told us to take our time, and said she’d return shortly in the event we had any questions.

She would soon regret that offer.

Discerning the vocabulary of apothecarial health trends

Where to begin? Should I opt for an iced A2 milkshake? Having never heard of A2 milk, I relied on ChatGPT again and learned it comes from cows that “naturally produce only the A2 beta-casein protein, unlike most conventional milk which contains both A1 and A2 proteins, with the A1 variant potentially causing digestive discomfort for some people.”

Up until now I didn’t know it was possible to tell a cow what kind of milk it should produce. Having once milked a cow by hand, I wondered how it would react if I said, “Let’s try this again. And no A1 this time!”

Mind you, this is not the first time I have been befuddled by terminology describing products that, if I would just stop asking questions, would immediately make me a healthier individual. At a Chicago farmers market last summer, I encountered a vendor selling sea moss. All I had to do, she said, was slip a few teaspoons in my morning coffee or smoothie and it would improve my “conscious living.”

“I think I’m already doing that,” I replied. “When I’m living unconsciously, then it’s time to be concerned.”

Sea moss sales people, I learned, have zero senses of humor.

Returning to the drink menu, I scanned the herbal hot toddy selections. All were made from “Boxcar Farm elixirs.” Boxcar Farm is an actual Santa Fe-based business. It sells herbal remedies along with Mountain Goat Cedarwood Soap. Thanks again, ChatGPT.

But it was the kava cocktails that intrigued me the most. Because, as the menu stated, the sacred kava root, with a long history of ceremonial use, would help calm my nervous system, promote relaxation and give mood support. I was neither nervous, tense nor moody when I entered the apothecary establishment and wanted to keep those feelings intact. A blueberry lavender coconut kava, blended to open up my heart chakra, should do the trick.

My companion looked equally confused as she scrolled the menu. Eventually she decided on an adaptogenic mushroom power latte infused with chocolate and the aforementioned kava. She neglected to add reishi, lion’s mane and turkey tail, though all were available.

“By the way, the kava can numb your lips a little bit,” the server said as we struggled to place our orders. “It’s a lot different than if you were drinking something like cloverwood.”

Ah yes, cloverwood. Up until now, a staple of my diet.

We sipped our drinks in silence, waiting for our nervous systems to calm, even though we were unsure what that would feel like if it actually happened. Suffice it to say, both drinks were delicious. Considering the bill was just north of $40, I expected nothing less.

After an hour we left for our hotel, enlightened and hopefully healthier and clearer of mind. I felt like I had just attended a college lecture, as my brain was awash in new information and terminology. Would I ever drink Diet Coke again? It contains aspartame, not kava root. Also, a cold beer seemed positively hypocritical at this point.

As we approached a busy crosswalk, I looked both ways and did so a second time before venturing forward.

After all this health infusion, it would absolutely suck to get hit by a bus.

Greg Schwem is a veteran comedian, motivational speaker, and humor specialist known for blending business insights with standup comedy. He is also the author of three Amazon bestsellers. His latest, “Turning Gut Punches into Punch Lines: A Comedian’s Journey Through Cancer, Divorce and Other Hilarious Stuff,” was released in September 2024. Visit Greg on the web at www.gregschwem.com.

©2025 Greg Schwem. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.