Husband Disapproves of Girls’ Trip
Does the problem go deeper than this one disagreement?
Married, in her mid-60s, and her husband doesn’t want her to take a girls’ trip with her sister. See what advice columnist Amy Dickinson advises in this issue of “Ask Amy.”
I am a married woman in my mid-60s, now-retired.
My sister (who is divorced) invited me on a “ girls’ trip” to hike the Scottish Highlands. We live on opposite coasts and do not see each other often.
When I told my husband about the trip, he gave me major pushback. Some of his objections are:
- I would be spending our money on a vacation just for myself. (We are not rich, but this would be affordable.)
- As a married woman, I should be reserving my travels for my husband, not with single women.
- This will only lead to other trips without him.
- He does not “believe” in girls’ trips.
My husband is very controlling. He would definitely make my life miserable if I accepted this invitation, so I turned it down, since I have to live with him.
But what is more upsetting is that instead of being happy for me for getting an opportunity to do something fun and enriching, he is resentful and obstructionist.
He did say that he will only agree if he comes along, despite the fact that he has never wanted to do a trip like this!
Am I in need of counseling? We have been married for 30 years and have had our ups and downs.
I’d love to hear your take.
“Girls’ trips” and “guys’ trips” are not articles of faith that a person needs to “believe in.” These sojourns, which range from simple afternoon hikes or rounds of golf to overseas excursions (like your sister’s) can be emotional ports of call for people, providing a way to reconnect with family members or friends without the pressure of performing for – or entertaining – spouses, partners, or children.
And – big bonus – many people return from these trips renewed and very happy to see their partners.
Many happily together couples leave space for one another to take occasional trips like this, budgeting their funds accordingly.
It is ironic that your husband is insisting to go with you, all while he is demonstrating that he is probably the last person you would want to go anywhere with.
I would say that he is correct in this one regard: Yes, this will lead to you taking other trips without him – in your case, into the office of a counselor and/or a lawyer.
This episode has revealed your husband’s deep insecurity, expressed in his effort to repress, manipulate, and control you.
In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart – ranging from relationships to DNA surprises. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068
© 2022 by Amy Dickinson