Insensitive Friends Are Driving Her Nuts

By Amy Dickinson | November 10th, 2023

She wonders how to move past their disrespectful actions

two women outside, engaged in conversation: insensitive friends gossiping to each other.

When a woman learns a hard truth about some insensitive friends, she wonders how she can get over the anger she feels. See what advice columnist Amy Dickinson has to say.

Dear Amy:

I have a group of friends who recently attended a hobby retreat. Before the retreat we were informed that one of our members (a person we know) has a nut allergy.

We were told her allergy was environmental and that she could have a reaction just being around nuts.

Well, when I walked into the venue all four of my friends were eating nuts. When I mentioned the nut allergy, they all laughed.

They knew about it but did not especially like the allergic woman and even questioned the validity of her allergy.

I am so angry at them because I feel that they disregarded the health of the allergic woman.

How do I get over this? Right now, I am furious.

– Not a Nut

Dear Not a Nut:

These people have revealed their disrespectful natures to you. You should be honest with each of them now about how disappointed you are in their behavior, which might have led to a dangerous medical emergency for the allergic person.

I assume you are rethinking your friendship with this group; you certainly should not trust them with any sensitive information, because they seem likely to use it against you.

Want to get even more life tips from Amy? Read more of her advice columns here!

In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart – ranging from insensitive friends to dark family secrets and DNA surprises. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers. You can email Amy Dickinson at or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.

©2023 by Amy Dickinson

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