Moving Along After Years Without Intimacy
She is “relatively young, healthy, and pretty” and wants more
After a dozen years without intimacy, this woman wants more – specifically, a new, or secondary, relationship. See what advice columnist Amy Dickinson advises in “Ask Amy.”
I am a woman in a sexless relationship, which is also lacking in affection. We’ve been together off and on (mostly on) for 25 years. Our relationship is just sharing a home which he owns, and I pay half of the expenses. We can have a decent home this way, as housing is so expensive. We are both recently retired.
I have spent the last 11 years trying to get him to be intimate again, and he will not. He says it’s his ED and COPD. He has literally no desire to give or receive any affection, except for an occasional hug and a peck on the cheek.
After so many years without intimacy, I’ve given up and have a lot of anger over it.
Well, I met a guy in Vegas in 2009 and had the best sex ever. We have remained in touch. He’s on the East Coast and I’m in the Southwest.
The man I live with has also never wanted to get married and, now, neither do I. I like being my own boss.
I want to visit the other guy, and he also wants me to.
I love the man I live with, as we have been together for such a long time, but I no longer feel “in love” with him.
I’m relatively young, healthy, and pretty. I have a lot of need for physical intimacy and would like to have it again.
How can I tell the man I live with that I need to make this trip East before I die?
– Time’s Ticking Away
Dear Time’s Ticking:
You and your partner have settled into a mutually beneficial roommate relationship, including years without intimacy. You should initiate a conversation with him, expressing your desire to travel on your own and perhaps pursue other relationships, while remaining in a friendly cohabiting relationship with him.
Yes, time is ticking away. You do not need permission to assert your own freedom to make choices, as long as you come to terms with the possible consequences. Understand the stakes for you: Your partner owns the home. He might insist that you find other housing.
In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart – ranging from spending years without intimacy to DNA surprises. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068
©2023 by Amy Dickinson