Sage Advice: A Widower Seeks Companionship

By Amy Dickinson | August 22nd, 2018

Can a female friend offer camaraderie without overstepping her boundaries?


Dear Amy: I’m a 60-year-old single woman who recently lost a friend of 40 years to cancer.

My friend’s husband, “Jack,” 64, is a wonderful man and misses her terribly. Jack and I spoke at some length at the memorial service and I sensed he could use some companionship.

He invited me to return to the memorial service venue after I took my mother home for what he said would be “the inner circle after-party.” I didn’t return, but now regret it, and want to contact him.

What is your guidance regarding a woman reaching out to a recent widower to offer her company? All our mutual friends and family are watching; a misstep would cost me dearly.

– Wondering

Dear Wondering: The only misstep I could imagine would be you throwing yourself at this new widower. But you are not going to do that. You need only contact him to say, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to attend the gathering after “Jill’s” service. How are you doing?”

Reach out in friendship, and follow his cues.

In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068

© 2018 by Amy Dickinson

More from Boomer