Sage Advice: Silver Dater Meets Mr. Corvette
Is online dating really worth it?
Dear Amy: I am a 60-year-old woman, out of the dating scene for many years. I met a wonderful man on an online dating site. We spoke for a couple of weeks, and then met for dinner.
He lives two hours away, so I got a hotel room nearby him for the night. He picked me up in a brand-new Corvette and took me to dinner at a wonderful restaurant on the water. We had a great time. He took me back to my hotel, where we sat by the pool and talked some more.
I really felt there was a mutual connection. He was absolutely wonderful. Finally, after five hours and some kissing and hugging, he said he had to leave or something was going to happen that we both might regret later. He said he wanted to see me again.
He texted me when he got home, texted me the next morning and then called me that evening. We talked some more. Our work schedules are completely opposite – he works days, and I work nights. We have opposite days off.
I asked about our schedules, and he replied, “Let’s give this some thought, and I will call you in a couple of days.”
Well, Amy, it has been five days and I have not heard from him. What do I do? Should I wait, or should I text or call him?
– Anxiously Waiting
Dear Waiting: The most likely scenario is that Mr. Corvette is using the matching site to meet other women, and you should do the same to meet other men.
The biggest difference between dating now and dating when you and I were young is the speed with which people cycle through meetings, dating and (sometimes) relationships. The dating dynamic (the butterflies of connection, the swoon of meeting, the uncertainty of waiting for that call) may feel familiar, but the rules now are governed not by convention, but by what people want. And the whole question of “what people want” can be surprisingly complicated.
When I was a younger – but still over-the-hill – dater, I considered online matching to be a tool enabling me to simply meet a larger number of people than I otherwise would. Early on, I think I realized I would not meet my “Mr. Forever” in this way, but the experience was a great way to practice-date.
Generally, I don’t think you should invest in traveling and a hotel room for a first-time meeting. If you want to see him again, go ahead and say so. Assume that he is seeing other people, and always practice safe sex. Pregnancy may not be a probability, but STDs are.
In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068
© 2018 by Amy Dickinson