She’s Hesitant to Attend the Destination Wedding

Although this woman adores her niece, she’s hesitant to attend the destination wedding, due to travel and cost. The niece’s mom has no patience for her hesitation. See what advice columnist Amy Dickinson advises in this edition of “Ask Amy.”

Dear Amy:

I would love to get your perspective on a dilemma I will soon be facing.

My niece is planning to have her wedding in Europe. I feel like this may be a bridge too far for me. I am a divorced retiree in my 60s and prefer not to travel outside of the country for a wedding, which will require a long flight, adjusting to a significant time change, costly arrangements, and other challenges.

This is creating a lot of anxiety for me.

I am very close with my niece and would certainly attend her wedding if it were held pretty much anywhere in the country (we currently live on opposite coasts).

When I express my concerns to my sister (my niece’s mom) about not wanting to attend such a far-away wedding, she simply says things like, “You have to go.” I anticipate that my niece will similarly try to guilt me into going.

Is it unreasonable for me to say no?

If not, how do I say no without hurting her feelings? Or do you think I should go just to keep the peace, despite my discomfort with making such a trip?

– Anxious Aunt

Dear Anxious:

You have to take care of yourself. That’s your primary job.

Now that you have raised this issue with your sister and have received her brusque response, you should deal with the bride directly.

I suggest that you write an affectionate and loving note to her. Tell her, “I’m so sorry to miss your wedding, but making the trip is simply too much for me right now. I know this will be a beautiful beginning to your marriage, and I look forward to seeing photos and hearing all about it in detail when you return.”

Reader advice on the destination wedding

Dear Amy:

I have a suggestion for “Anxious Aunt,” whose niece was getting married in Europe.

She should not be pressured to attend. But I wonder if someone at the wedding ceremony could arrange to livestream it?

– Wondering

Dear Wondering:

Great idea! Anxious Aunt could even host a local get-together and viewing party for those other guests who couldn’t make the trip.

Offering to do so might also serve to smooth the rocky reaction from family members regarding her decision not to attend this overseas wedding.

Want to get even more life tips from Amy? Read more of her advice columns here!

In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart – ranging from relationships to DNA surprises. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068

© 2023 by Amy Dickinson