Her Husband Fidgets at Bedtime – Help!
His fidgeting annoys his wife – her requests to stop annoy him
At bedtime every night, without fail, her husband is constantly moving. His bedtime fidgeting aggravates her, but he can’t seem to stop. What’s the wife to do? Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
I really like my husband, however, when we go to bed at night and are reading next to each other, he is just constantly moving. Itching his beard, slowly rubbing his calf against his other knee so that his leg hair makes a strange noise (just… why?), and other random things.
He’s not normally a fidgeter, only at this one moment of the day.
He only responds to gentle requests by stopping for around 45 seconds, and if I ask more than once, he’s annoyed. Any advice?
– No Rest
Dear No Rest:
It might be easiest to adjust your pre-bedtime rituals. It sounds like this fidgeting is his way of getting his body ready for bed. Who knows why any of us do the things we do. But his annoyance is likely coming from the fact that he doesn’t mean anything by it and it helps him relax.
That said, your annoyance is also valid. Everyone’s entitled to weird body stuff and everyone’s entitled to annoyance sometimes.
What happens if you read elsewhere before bed? Or he does? Try to experiment together with your pre-bed rituals, rather than forcing solutions that might not work for everyone. Framing any changes as experiments allows you both to report back on what you liked and didn’t like and go from there.
Many happy couples are renouncing traditional expectations and redefining love relationships. One common choice is a “sleep divorce,” sleeping apart to maximize sleep quality and minimize conflict. Read more: How Today’s Seniors Are Redefining Love Relationships.
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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