Too Busy to Socialize, Hesitant to Decline
How can you graciously turn down an invitation?
How do you graciously decline invitations, without offending friends and cutting off future invitations, when you’re too busy to socialize? Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.
Dear Eric:
I’m mid-50s and I have three jobs (two part time as a college professor). I also have three grown children, a husband, my parents and many friends. I constantly get requests from co-workers and other friends for happy hours, dinners, brunches, workshops, seminars and other events.
As it is, I have a brutal work schedule of about 60 to 80 hours per week, not including personal tasks and then social events. It’s not impacting my health, yet.
How do I respond with “I just want some peace and quiet” without offending people? Or, perhaps, a better question is, am I prioritizing the right things in my life?
– Overworked in Colorado
Dear Overworked:
Anyone working as much as you are, deserves as much or as little brunch, workshopping or sleeping as they want. It does sound like you’re prioritizing a lot – some of it, like your jobs, by necessity. You’re doing what you have to do to make your life work and to show up as much as you can for those closest to you. If you’re not feeling the need right now to expand your professional network through socializing, and you’re not receiving any informed feedback that would suggest said socializing might materially benefit you, then you’re fine to skip it. It’s just not something that works for you right now.
Right now is not forever. You’re free to change your mind, change your schedule, say yes to one thing and no to 100 other things. We all do this. No one is universally available for every plan.
It’s important to remember that other people’s priorities aren’t your priorities. So, if someone gets offended by you saying, “I appreciate the invite, but I’m at capacity right now,” that’s not a problem you need to clean up.
Peace and quiet is absolutely a valid reason to decline plans. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
At some point, you might want to read “How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy” by Jenny Odell. (But only if you have the time!)
R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.”
Send questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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